I hope I know what Im doing....Coz I feel Lost

I know it has been a long time since I have writen. But it seems like every time I start to write something I stop. I dont know why. Last post I had started writing was about The Man. But I hadnt finished writing it since I found some of the things written to personal. I guess now that I have written everything about myself, writing about someone else in my life seems like Im mis-using their trust. I know there is no way someone would read this and say "hey I know you and I know who The Man is" (besides my close friends who know I have this blog running). I guess I have always let this blog be a little personal to me, its just now I wonder whether I should be writing some things.... coz they might upset some people.

This thought has come across my mind quite often, ever since I moved in with The Man. Actually I have also had other thoughts in my mind besides this. W**** has been in my mind alot lately. I will now write what my heart wants...If anyone gets upset with this (those who know me will understand why Im feeling this way)...Sorry!

I know I shouldnt think of an ex when I have a good thing going with The Man. But like I have said before, I will always think of W**** no matter what happens to me. Its like I would walk through fire and enter a paradise but I would still want to talk to W**** about everything I have learnt. W**** wasnt just an ex but also a best friend. That conbination you dont get very often. I was chatting to a friend of mine, who has been there for me when I was with W****. She told me I would never forget him. Even if I marry Mr Right! I kinda wish I could forget him. Because now living with The Man I want him to be close to me but I find it very hard to open up to him. I keep thinking I will rely on The Man and he would then realise Im not the one and leave.

Since I was young til now, I have learnt from my mistakes but what had happened between me and W**** was kinda like a scar that will never leave me. I have told The Man about W****. Coz I think he has a right to know, also I had told him all this when I thought me and him wouldnt work out.

I guess Im having cold feet. I am living a life that I always wanted to live. Im in love with The Man and I love my job and friends. But my heart still bleeds for people who I have lost. Some who will never come back, others who choose not to come back. And so Im trying to find fault with what I do have.